


When A Man And A Woman Love Each Other Beary Much...

by animenutcase



Category: Persona 4
Genre: Gen, The Talk
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-06-08
Updated: 2014-06-08
Packaged: 2018-02-03 22:55:10
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,122
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1759037
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/animenutcase/pseuds/animenutcase
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Yet another fill for badx2bathhouse.</p><p>"You know, despite all his talk about "scoring a hot stud," and rampant flirting does Teddie actually know what sex entails? After all, it's not like the TV world is conducive to sex ed.</p><p>Prompt: Investigation team has to give Teddie The Talk.</p><p>Bonus if you have Naoto be all obsessively clinical and bringing in anatomy charts or something."</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

“Well, you see, Teddie-”  
“When a man and a woman love each other very much-  
“Or sometimes it’s a man and a man or a woman and a woman, or sometimes even three people…”

“Guys, that is such a cliché way to start The Talk off.” Yosuke sighed into his drink. “Well, except for you, Rise, I’m not sure where you came up with that.”

Rise just giggled.

“Everyone, I’m sure it’s rather simple to explain.” Naoto said calmly as she pulled a book out of a bag.  
“Oh, Naoto, you _didn’t_ …” Yosuke groaned.  
“I’m just saying, a simple, factual explanation is all Teddie needs.” Naoto sighed as she glanced at Yukiko, who was refusing to speak, apparently having decided to ignore any and all mentions of “scoring”.

“Big Bro?” Nanako walked into the room, rubbing her eyes.  
“What’s wrong, Nanako?” Souji quickly stood up. “Are you sick?”  
“What’s everyone talking about?” Nanako smiled sweetly.  
“Erm… Nothing important, just grown-up things! Come on, I’ll read you a story.”

Souji gave his friends an apologetic nod as Nanako led him back to her room.

“So are you guys going to teach me how to score with girls?” Teddie gave the remaining team a wide-eyed look.  
“Uh, Teddie, you might want to stop calling it “scoring”…” Chie explained as Yukiko’s scowl deepened.  
“So what should I call it, then?”

A deafening silence filled the room.

“Well, there are a lot of different terms for… that.” Naoto, sounding unusually flustered, began to flip through her book.  
“Birds and the bees, the horizontal tango, this and that…” Rise listed off various terms on her fingers.  
“Or there’s just plain fucking.” Yukiko shrugged as she finally spoke up.

“…A team from another high school came to stay at our inn a couple years ago. I overheard some of the girls talking about their boyfriends.” She quickly added when the rest of the team was staring at her.

“You probably shouldn’t use Yukiko-senpai’s term when you're talking to a girl.” Kanji explained to Teddie. “Unless you want to get slapped.”  
“ _I’d_ slap someone if they used that word to try to pick me up.” Yosuke sighed.

“Knowing the terms is all well and good, but how do I actually _do_ it?”  
“Actually, I think that’s a term for it, too.” Rise murmured to herself as Naoto regained her composure with a confident smile.

“Just read these pages, Teddie.” She declared as she passed to book to Teddie. “It explains everything.”

As Teddie read through the pages with an increasingly red face, the team added some “helpful” hints. Or rather, they would have been helpful if Teddie knew what they were talking about.

“Now, before you do it, you should make sure one of you is on birth control.” Naoto explained.  
“There’s birth control for guys now?” Kanji gave Naoto a puzzled look.  
“Or just make sure you put a condom on.” Chie rubbed her forehead.  
“Why do I need a “condom” thing?” Teddie asked when he finished the final page.  
“Well, that’s to make sure she doesn’t get pregnant!” Yukiko pointed out with an embarrassed blush.  
“Pregnant?”  
“It means the woman is going to have a baby. Sex is where babies come from.”

“Why are you guys talking about “where babies come from” now?” Souji asked as he walked back into the room.  
“Well, it’s only natural, Senpai!” Rise shrugged. “We’re teaching him about sex.”  
“What does sex have to do with babies?”

You could have heard a pin drop in the silence that followed.

“Senpai, you _do_ know where babies come from, right?” Naoto gave Souji a desperate, pleading look.

“A stork brings it, right?”


	2. The Birds And the Bears

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A sequel to the previous story that like two people asked for.

"I can't even fucking believe this..." Yumi mumbled to herself.  
"If he's honestly this clueless, then it's a damn good thing none of us have slept with him!" Ai grumbled in agreement.

"I don't really see what the big deal is." Souji shrugged as he looked at his friends in confusion.

After his declaration regarding the origin of babies, his teammates (save Teddie), had gone into a silent uproar (if you could pardon the oxymoron) that resulted in his other schoolfriends being called over.

"Souji, Naoto asked you where babies came from and you answered, with complete sincerity, that the stork brought them." Yosuke snapped, sounding irritated and somewhat distressed.

He was far from the only one. Souji's underclassmen were staring at him as though their entire perception of something had changed. Rise in particular looked as though her world was crumbling.

"Doesn't it, though?" Souji raised an eyebrow with a puzzled look.  
"No!" Chie shouted as she buried her face in her hands.

Yukiko looked ready to cry.  
"Souji, that's the sort of thing parents tell little kids!" Kou groaned. "You told me about your parents. Did they _really_ tell you that babies came from storks?"  
"Yes." Souji gave Kou an odd look. "Didn't yours?"  
"Well, yes, but I found out later!" Kou's face had turned red. "How the _fuck_ did you not?!"  
"You of all people!" Yosuke piped up in agreement. "Did your schools not cover it?!"  
"No...?" Souji gave Yosuke a concerned look. "If what you've told me is true, then babies apparently come from sex?"

Hearing the word "sex" leave Souji's mouth brought a blush to the face of everyone but Teddie.

"Sensei's right!" Teddie exclaimed. "It's not that big of a deal. All we have to do is have someone give Sensei a demonstration. Ooh! Maybe _I_ could do it!"  
"Teddie. Teddie no." Naoto shook her head. "Teddie, we went through that. Remember when we talked about pregnancy? And how we specifically mentioned how a woman gets pregnant? You and Senpai are both men. You can't get pregnant."  
"And we are _not_ getting one of the girls pregnant just so you can learn about biology!" Yosuke cut Teddie off as he opened his mouth. "And Rise-chan, don't you even _dare_ , I can see that you're at least _thinking_ about it."

Looking very tired, Naoto stood up and decided to begin Lesson 2 regarding the the birds and the ~~bees~~ bears.

"Well, it's overall a very simple concept." Naoto began. "When a man ejaculates inside of a woman, if the woman is ovulating, the egg can be fertilized by the semen, forming a new life. After that the woman carries the child for nine months before delivery."

Souji still looked puzzled.

"Senpai?" Naoto looked concerned.  
"What exactly is semen?"

Nobody moved. The room seemed frozen until Yosuke spoke.

"Partner." He said slowly. "I understand that maybe you haven't learned about sex yet. Maybe your old schools had already covered it by the time you transferred in. But please, _please_ tell me you know what masturbation is."  
"Master-what now?"


End file.
